I know from experience…
I know all about impulse control. When I was about 10 years old, I hunted down a cabinet door to be used for the trap door on my backyard fort (I was a huge Harry Potter fan, and there’s a trap door in the first movie, so of course, I needed one too!)
Once I found one, I wanted to get the door to the fort as quickly as possible. This found me riding a bike, clutching the cabinet door in my right hand (while I gripped the steering wheel), while holding my dog’s leash (yes, Lucy) in my other hand.
I couldn’t tell you exactly what happened, but an hour or so later I was at the hospital getting my hand sewn up.
What is impulse control?
Impulse control is that thing in your head that makes you stop and think before acting. If mine had been more developed as a 10-year-old (many 10-year-olds would NOT have made the choices I had made), that thing in my voice would have said: “Okay. This isn’t safe. Let’s put the dog in the house, get off of the bike, and walk the cabinet door over to the fort.”
The problem is that having impulse control isn’t very fun. You often have to pause a very strong and insistent emotion to slow down, think through, and then execute a plan that is likely tedious or, at the very least, much less exciting than your original plan.
Why is it important?
Although I would have given up the thrill of racing across the yard to show my sisters my latest treasure, I would have kept myself safe in this situation (and saved my poor mother the trouble of coordinating transportation of her three daughters between dance, gymnastics, and the hospital.)
For children and adults, impulse control is important because it keeps us safe and helps us to ultimately get the things that we want.
Utilizing impulse control to decide not to jump off of a bridge where the water might not be deep enough helps keep Jimmy from paralyzing himself.
Utilizing impulse control to decide not to tell Meghan that her makeup makes her look like a frog helps Carter to maintain his friendship and spend his recess outside instead of in the principal’s office.
For adults, impulse control helps them to keep their jobs, maintain their relationships, and keep their children safe and happy.
It’s really important!
How to Teach Impulse Control
- Direct Teaching: Like many skills, impulse control must be taught directly and separately from the moment in which it is expected to be used. If a freshly iced cake is being set down in front of your child who can’t ever stop themselves from having just a little taste before “Happy Birthday” is sung, that moment is not the time to say, “Stop and think!”. Providing specific steps and examples is the best way to ensure success.
- Role Play: Acting out various scenarios to practice impulse control is a great way to ensure that the person knows how to perform in the real life situation. Act out common scenarios (little brother steals a toy) and practice what effective impulse control looks like so that when the real moment comes, responding with impulse control is almost muscle-memory.
- Visuals or Key Words: Make it as easy as possible for the individual to do the right thing. Staging visuals in areas where impulsive behavior is most likely to take place is a great way to create a reminder that takes no additional effort from an adult in the moment.
- Reinforce: Be sure to let the individual know that they are doing a good job when they exhibit impulse control. Be specific when giving praise, and explain why the skill is so important (“I love that you waited and looked both ways instead of just running across the street. That keeps you safe, and it tells me that you don’t need me to hold your hand every time we walk somewhere.”)
- Make it fun: Teaching impulse control to a child or adult who likes when things are fun and exciting means making the learning fun and exciting. (Learn about how to make executive functioning skills fun, also!) Using games or other activities to practice impulse control can really help!
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